Killington, New Hampshire Now Offers The Most Expensive And Worst Skiing on The East Coast!
Not to be outdone by Killington Vermont, the owners of Killington New Hampshire has raised their 2023-2024 lift ticket prices to $200 per day and $2000 a year for season passes. Hot dogs are now $20 and hamburgers are $50. The charge to bring your own packed lunch has been raised to $25.
Chris Cyborg, the KNH CEO stated on a call this week “Those Killington Vermont dweebs have no chance in beating us in price or terrible experience. They are bad – but we are so much worse!” He added “We kick their butts in poor service too”
LATEST BREAKING NEWS:
Killington, New Hampshire Now Specializing In “Ice Making” Guns
Not to be outdone by mother nature (or the other Killington in Vermont) the Killington, New Hampshire team has developed a way to turn fresh snow into solid ice, to make the season last longer.
The latest technology was developed by engineer Barney Rubble who figured out that if he heats up the snow, it turns to water and then freezes solid. This new technology is also known as “hose pipes” and Rubble recently picked up a truckload at the Riotland Home Depot, right in the middle of a BLM Riot, which is typical every Wednesday afternoon.
Rubble is quoted as saying this week “We now have the best ice-making facilities on the East Coast” he added “come for the ice and stay for the awful service!”
Connection To Psycho Mountain Now Open
Killington, New Hampshire announces the opening of the “long heralded” connection between Killington and its sister mountain to the north, Psycho mountain. CEO Chris Cyborg initially said “Low battery warning” but later, after a quick recharge, Cyborg stated “It’s my pleasure to finally open the connection between these two mountains. Skiers and snowboarders now can have the choice between the incessant New York crowds at Killington or the inbred locals on Psycho Mountain”
Killington, New Hampshire Reinvents High School Math – Proves Newton Wrong
If Killington gets 1/8” of snow, we round up to 1”. If that happens for 7 straight days, then the 7 day total is 7”. Some people contend that in reality that’s less than 1” in total, but they do not understand how “new math” works. Our accountants confirm the math is correct. They are also paying themselves in stolen ski passes, which they get get to write-off as wastage. Which is how they also feel after a visit to “The Stash”
Killington Discovers That White Snow Is “Racist”
To fight snow-racism, Chris Cyborg, the KNH CEO stated that all “lifties” would now be required to wear blackface during work hours, as changing the snow color would be “far too hard”. Cyborg added “After watching the documentary Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, I realize that we can create a perfect world”
Chris Cyborg wanted to clarify that any employee that is already black will not be required to change their skin color, unless they really want to.